5 ways to curb the toxic relationships in the family

We must learn to put ourselves in the place of the other and be willing to understand beyond words and acts

No one deserves to live in an emotionally toxic environment. Out of there is not only necessary, but is absolutely vital

There are toxic relatives who can hurt us much. Each one to the extent of its possibilities, can make life very difficult, even impossible, with their behaviour and his words in the family.
In fact, the family is one of the most common scenarios in which the drama of the toxic relationship develops. Also this is compounded by one difficulty: not can shoot our way out of them forever, because there is always something to us.

Let's say that, while there is ex-partners, there are the ex-madres, the ex-padres, the ex-hermanos, the ex-abuelos, etc. In other words, we can put end to a relationship but we can do it with our families.
The family we are imposed, we can not choose it and this requires, but not like us, we have to adapt to this. It often happens that we are subject to certain rules within the family and that we choke.

Causing us to feel us slaves, are unhappy and feel trapped and without exit. In addition, it occurs much more relevant is the post or position that toxic relatives occupy, harder to be out of there or to enforce our rights.
It is said that there are two types of families: the rigid and the flexible. In the first abundant toxicity, because its performance is the result of intense and irrational use of power.
This means great difficulty when it comes to relate, at the same time it prevents us from expressing our feelings and our opinions freely, talk or show us as we are.
These relatives are, without doubt, emotional vampires. They are those people that we submitted to the imposition, the envy and the harassment of anyone who, in principle, should take care of ourselves more than anyone else in this world.
As mentioned, the most logical and likely is that we can not break that relationship with ease, maybe a family bond not crumbles so to lightly.
However, sometimes relations are running high and there is another remedy that escape from the toxic environment.

How can we act?

According to Laura Rojas Marcos, most of the conflicts are caused by the struggles of power, the sense of law and the lack of limits.
What are the keys to release the burden of us damage to a family member with his words or his actions?

See also: How to improve our capacity for conflict resolution

1 put in the place of the other: empathy

This does not mean that we should submit to the desires and needs of others, but that we have available to understand what occurs beyond the words and acts.
I.e. "practice empathy" means to maintain the disposition to listen and consider what else we have to say. This will help us to accept the possibility of failure to reach an agreement about what we ask, as each has different needs.
In these cases, there should be a Covenant in respect to the disagreement, something that will facilitate coexistence. This is: you want something which is not compatible with what I wish, accept it and follow.

2 respect the privacy and space of each

Respect to the other means to accept that the 'no' is the answer, thus tolerating frustration, even though it may seem unfair. We cannot afford that "where there is confidence makes sick", since the interference leads to major family conflicts.
As points out red frames:
" " in family relationships are given by made things in which there is no agreement. If you enter without warning on a son House or becoming a call at the wrong time, must be prepared to receive a response that may not like us and that mark the limits of the relationship".

3 be respectful and keep the forms

Typically, in family conversations, say the first thing that comes to mind. This happens because don't pass you the filter of education with respect to our words and our actions.
It is likely that most of us have a close relative that you think that you can say everything come you to mind and that their perceptions and opinions are above anyone.
This will generate major conflicts, so it is important that we take away in situations and put limits in a calm manner, responding to what it says is causing emotional pain.

4 be assertive and use magic words

There are family relationships based on power games. Likely, it does not want to, want only freedom of action and expression, and that there are people who hinder this transition.
In these situations we must enforce us expressing our "I can't", "I don't want" or "I disagree" without fear. It is important to be sure one same, act with determination and make use of our capacity for choice.

In addition, even if we are family, is still of great importance to pronounce the words "thank you" and "please", because with them we express consideration and kindness, showing respect for the time and effort requiring requests and favors.

We recommend reading: toxic relatives: how we can defend ourselves?

5 be patient

Impatient causes us to be impulsive and reckless when it comes to rating the circumstances and make decisions. For this reason, it is essential to develop our capacity for waiting and reflection before acting.
It may happen that we can not solve the difficulties that accompany exhaustion caused by a toxic relationship. For this reason, it is sometimes unavoidable to make decisions that break with the family as, for example, get away from these people.
We must not forget the vampires and the emotional predators are present in all contexts of our life, which requires that we are working to identify them and protect us from them.
It is therefore particularly important that we learn to control the intensity of emotions such as anger, which can generate large dramas.
We must maintain sanity and much assess the consequences of our actions, taking into account the emotional and physical limits that we should never exceed.
Source: "family: toxic relationships to healthy ones". Laura red frames.

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