When I say NO, I feel guilty

We need to be able to say no, to assert our will to others. It is important to cultivate this aspect, simultaneously growing our determination our self-esteem makes

John was walking with his father in the direction to the kiosk where every day bought the newspaper. Upon arrival, they greeted in educated manner to the owner, he was grumpy as each day.
East les responded with bluntness and lack of consideration.
The father of John, while collecting the newspaper that the other had thrown to him badly, he smiled and wished him a good weekend seller.
When both left the road, the boy asked his father:
-Treats you always with such disrespect?
-Yes, unfortunately.
- And you always you show just as nice?
-Yes, so.
-And why you're so kind when it is so unfriendly with you?
-Because I don't want to be the one who decides how should I Act I.
The fully human person is one that manages to be herself. He's an actor of his own life, not a re-actor before what they say or do others.
It acts by their own beliefs, not by reaction to how to act or what they expect from the others.

Adapted text of Sydney Harris

He lives saying what you feel

Assertiveness is a capability that has someone to say NO, express disagreement, giving a contrary opinion to oppose conflict situations and make it not as submissive, which is negotiating with its principles nor as aggressive, which is violating the principles of others.

The assertive is a person who is capable of expressing their negative feelings without violating the rights of others or trying not to violate them. And you... do you consider yourself assertive?

Walter Riso

"When I say NO, I feel guilty..." But if I say yes, I'm going against me and do me harm". This may be a common thought of one person either at a point in his life.
Why we feel so so often? Because we live in a world that manipulates our wills, making us unable to refuse to the consequences for us are negative.
It is important that we are not saying what others want to hear, but what we want to express. Do otherwise is to drink from the fountain of eternal unhappiness with the eternal dissatisfaction.

What serve to be assertive?

You are lining up to board the bus and someone gets you. You mad but do not dare to say anything.

A friend asks you if you can go to pick you up at the airport. While you'll fatal because you have a lot of work, say you Yes. You don't want to get you angry with you.

You take time thinking that you deserve a raise, but not you raise it to your boss. It is clear that it is not the most appropriate as things stand.

Have you ever felt identified with any of these situations? Do other similar you have reminded any? In that case you have not acted assertively. You should have done what you thought at all times but others conditioned you.
The ability to express our will without remorse is a skill that we must cultivate and work. To be, this must be done from the earliest childhood.
What happens is that, that we are now adults, we have grown up in a society that still did not give him too much importance to this.
As a result, it is as likely that we have learned how to say NO in an intuitive manner that we have not done so. Either way, is an expensive learning, as you can get to assume unwanted rejections or loss of something we need, for example, a contract of employment as.
However, heed to our desires and our needs is much more rewarding than not to do so, especially in the long run.
In this sense, we can promptly see the fruits of our "noes", because we'll assert our wills to grow our self-esteem, our determination and our own love .

How can I be more assertive?

It replaces your negative thoughts.

You're not a bad friend for not going to pick you at the airport, you are not a person that is intolerant for not letting that she is slip in the supermarket queue and you're on your right to ask for a pay rise.
Your emotions are not incorrect, unsuitable is how you think about them . Defend your ideas and you not to submit to the wishes of others.

He understands that our interlocutor does not always know what we are talking about.

Sometimes it is necessary give explanations to avoid creating bad understood. People cannot read our minds. If you want others to understand your desires, you will have to first explain what.

Defend "your truth", not "the truth"

No one can dictate laws on how it should feel and how not. For this reason, it is good to show others that we are aware that we are in a world of gray, not black or white. Nobody can deny you your inner life.

Structure in your mind the message you want to convey

Once this is done, make it clear at the time and in the appropriate place. Speaking from your feelings without blame your neighbor.
It is radically different to say "make Me feel fatal" that say "When someone does this I feel bad".
Or, to take another example, it is much better to speak in these terms "I would like to be able to finish my arguments without that I discontinued" that "always are interrupting my explanations!".

Make use of the technique of the "fog bank"

Empathize with the opinion of the other person, let her know that you understand it, but keep your posture.

It uses the technique of the "broken record" to address the insistence

Remember what your goal and, by tenser to put the conversation, do not stop repeating it. At the insistence of others applies the rule "Yes, but I tell you that I feel/I/I think this...".
It consists of reaffirming our position steadily without being aggressive, just persistent.

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