What's behind the impossible love?

What's behind the impossible love? Admiration, need, pain, love, affection, compassion for one's self, emotional dependence... There is an infinite amount of possibilities to answer our questions.
Since time immemorial, impossible love stories have filled our senses, our shelves and our walls. The great literary and artistic successes succumb to the pain of impossible love, those who fail or who simply will never happen out of our minds.

Romeo and Juliet, La Celestina, the Princess Bride, Don Juan Tenorio, The sorrows of Young Werther are some of the great literary successes that we all remember and based their stories on love and disaffection of young people predestined to not be together.
The fairy tales, Disney films with their undying love and roses operas with hundreds of somersaults but with a happy ending have done that we create that love is omnipotent and that, inevitably, all end well.

However, nothing further from reality: not all the loves are possible and not for all the love you have to struggle. There are some who let them pass, and others simply do not do justice to the beautiful feeling of love. For this reason, it is sometimes better to let go what is unattainable.
As you can guess, this literary and artistic ingredient is guarantee of success, because he plays with a great advantage: we are all identified with the impossible. But... why?

Why we we fell in love with people that you can't have?

A love without output is really exhausting, desquiciante and destroyer. But, unfortunately, it seems that our emotional education has not been enough to prevent that we padezcamos entity type of shrines and we bury between broken glass that will not make more than harm us.
Perhaps because of romanticism which we have been so in that we believe to be on the right track while they are hurting us in the depths of our hearts. But, what about us? Why can we not let feel that urge, that fatal attraction? Here we present some reasons:

1. because of the emotional anxiety

Sometimes, we wish and need to have someone close, is who is, join us and we reaffirm. This need generates great anxiety that only calms having the object of desire about.
While this person is not, anxiety increases and increases, which leads to who suffers from it to look constantly for "his beloved" to calm down. As the psychologists Cindy Hazan and Phillip R. Shaver, this can become really sick.

2. by our ideal of romanticism: fight against wind and tide

As we said earlier, have taught us that in love we have to eat bread and onions. But, do we have to swallow everything and move forward with whatever comes? If we do not is for fun, of course, but because we are bound by our (false and harmful) beliefs.

3. because pay us attention

It is simple. Although it costs us to believe it, sometimes "we fell in love' madly from someone just because it has given us a minimum attention. This, obviously, responds to a multitude of emotional shortcomings and the need to feel accepted.

4 for love and for not wanting to

Strange as it may seem, there are people who fall for impossible to avoid the loving intimacy. These people, the evasions, tend to live in ideal fictions that remain always idealized.
As the psychologist Linda Hatch: "seek relations in which the other person will reject them or leave them. "This is a way of feeling 'safe' to the vulnerabilities of real intimacy", as "the proximity with another person becomes something that is perceived as dangerous".

5 for unattainable people increase their value

This is the ideal of platonic love as unrequited love. As stated by Hector g. Barnes, the logic is quite simple: "limited resources to raise its price and the abundant resources make it descend".
As a product becomes luxurious because we can not access it, unattainable persons are revalued to unsuspected limits. For this reason, what is more exclusive than a committed person who would never abandon their relationship? And more palatable than a person that everyone wants (for example an actor or "el guapo of the class")?

6. by admiration

In love, of course, must be mutual admiration. However, there are "loves" them that admiration only there unilaterally. In these cases, that is the reason underpinning any desire. Any relationship that is exclusively for this reason is bound to fail and the condition of the person who admires, because he must be subjected to the qualities of the other.

Is it really love?

As we have seen, an impossible love can respond to a myriad of issues. Each individual case will obey his reasons and emotions; However, what is clear is that it is not a kind of healthy love.
Love, of course, is not composed only of joy, but of possibility. Sometimes, the only thing that binds us to this feeling is that rush of adrenaline that cause challenges and have something so live.

How can overcome an impossible love?

The first step is to recognize that, however much that appeals to us, may not be the person that we are going to live a healthy, constructive and satisfactory relationship.
We have to know that the idealization is a step in the process of falling in love, but that even this, little by little, is exhausting. It is important to know that people do not respond to prototypes or ideals of perfect love; for this reason, our mate choice must start the real and not the ideal.
This does not mean that we can not be romantic or that some of those ideals not be adhered to in our partner and our relationship. It is possible and desirable that this happens, but there is a non-negotiable principles which we must always begin.

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